


Grand old time at the backyard bbq

by Zowabob



Category: Half-Life, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: And bubby/dr.coomer, Benry is autistic schizophrenic adhd, Dr.coomer has Dementia, Everyone else is autistic/adhd, Gordon has Asperger's, I love loving and happy familys, Joshua is super cute, This is benry/Tommy/gordon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zowabob/pseuds/Zowabob
Summary: Gordon brings the science gang to meet his ex wife's fiance, unbelievably strange events occur at this BBQ.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.google.com/search?q=bbq+man&client=ms-android-motorola-rev2&prmd=ismvn&sxsrf=ALeKk00GlT98cpIb8QBe80cRK--KzseO2g:1591753508013&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwih06jzj_bpAhWiZDUKHdcNDrUQ_AUoAXoECA8QAQ&biw=360&bih=512#imgrc=mGHL2zW7EXN2cM
> 
> This is what Steve looks like, hope you have a great time!

Chapter 1; ooooh that steve  
It was one of those days in Gordons life that he wished he could avoid. Not a apocalyptic scenario or a scientific disaster, just preparing for weeks to explain to people who are Supposed to be the the smartest people a basic activity.

Now the thing was the all knew Gordons ex wife, Maria she lived two blocks away, was very nice and had nice red hair. 

They were happily divorced for quite a long time now and are friends. It makes it very easy to take care of Joshua, when Gordon has quite the busy schedule doing impossible science and all that. 

now for a while she has had a fiance named Steve. Steve is a incredibly normal white guy who is absolutely neurotypical and friendly.

What he is not is a super genius who can set fires with his mind or anything extraordinary like that.

The only reason the science team and more specifically benry and Tommy havnt met him is because they both wanted to make sure that Maria's relationship was really serious before Gordon even wanted to start the process of introducing them to a new permanent person in their life.

Especially if they liked the guy because then Gordon would have to begin the much much worse process of trying to explain why they were leaving. 

Like when they got a new mailman and benry stood by the mailbox every morning garding it from the evil 'fake' mailman, that is until the mailman 'delivered' him some cupcakes, which somehow was evidence the evil had been defeated.

Steve is a vet technician and underprepared for what Gordon has tried his best to prepare him for.

He has given him files and explained! Oh he explained! But Steve !ooooh that Steve. 

He slaps his back and chuckles and say in his normal guy voice, like he hasn't been listening to Gordon talk for three hours straight and says,

"Oh Gordon your such a good guy, I'm sure you would have great loved ones in your life! And I get they have special needs and I have no problem doing what needs to be done!"

Oh that fucking Steve, he means it too, with his golden hair and friendly handshake.

He took classes just to make sure he was giving Joshua all the proper care, autistic non verbal children need, Always respectful of people needs.

"Alright ok so next Saturday we'll have a great time yea!" He says with his hands on his hips, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Gordon chuckles nervously,  
"Uh, I mean you'll will have a time weather you like it or not"

This makes Steve laugh, he assumes this is a joke, he thinks Gordons a real funny guy.

"Oh always a jokester, go on dude, I'll see yea next week" and he does omg of those two finger salutes as Gordon leaves.

Steve knows well enough how to have a good bbq,  
but no matter what he knows this is going to be a barbaque like no other. They always are.


	2. Cartrip woohoo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just note almost everything I write has multiple Chapters, but I can figure out how to get it to say that when I post the first chapter. Have fun reading!

So here Gordon was, Saturday morning, whiteboard pulled out in his living room with everyone sitting around it. This was a meeting, and everyone was going to listen or so help him.

"So does everyone remember what we are doing today?"   
Gordon taps the board the says 'bbq' on it, Tommy raises his hand ,desperate to have his turn.

"Oh ooh Mr freeeeeman I knoow I knoow!! W-we're g-going to Maria's h-house to meeeet her new fianceee hehehe"

Ok thank god at least one of them was paying attention that's all that mattered, he has been trying at this point for three hours to get them to tell him. 

Really at this point he's pretty sure bubby is just pretending he's deaf or something, because when asked a question he puts his hand to his head and goes 

"WHAAAT I CANT HERE YOU IM DEAF"

So gordon has completely given up on asking him, and just let him read his weird book about training Beatles to dance. Dr Coomer is sleeping so he assumes he will figure it out eventually.

Benry,well benry is playing pokemon for the gameboy. Gordon every morning for a week has been putting this subject in his head and he thinks the guy gets it, Gordon really really hopes benry likes the guy, because benry loves BBQs and he loves Joshua so he thinks this will work pretty fine.

Clapping his hands together which wakes Coomer up and gets everyone's attention he says with a really big arm wave

"C'mon everyone in the car let-

"WHAAT I CANT HERE ANYTHIIING IM DEAF"

"Please bub-"

"Bad news Gordon bubbys deaf!"

"No he's not dr Coomer we both know he's not, get in the van"

"How dare you say I'm not deaf that's so rude!"

"He's right Gordon! You are incredibly rude!"

"Haha Rudeman, your Rudeman stinkman"

"Ok alright that's fine, thank you Tommy, see everyone Tommy and Sunkist are already in the van , thank you, ok thank you dr Coomer, make sure you all put on your seatbelts!"  
He yells the last part out the door and turns to put his shoes and almost jumps out his socks to see benry right behind him staring at him. He gives him a kiss and wonders if he has a question, because his outside shoes are already on.

"Where are we going feetman?" Benry looks up at him with a blush on his face, Gordon holds his hand and they swing them back and forth.

"We're going to Maria's for a BBQ and Joshua will be there!"

Benry pumps his fist in the air all the way to the car because he loves Joshua.

" Woohoo Joshy! Woohoo BBQ!! Woohoo Joshy"

Ok maybe this will be a good time if not a crazy time, Gordon thinks.  
He starts the van to drive the two blocks to Maria's house and is excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! How are you? I love writing fanfiction and I hope you love reading it!


	3. just get in the house and out of the car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Excited to see you back, you kind words mean a lot to me!!

Gordon always forgets that the 15 minutes it takes can actually be hell.

"Bad news Gordon we are banned from all pottery barns!"

Just focus on the road Gordon, don't remember the couple's date to pottery barn, don't remember bubby and Coomer pile driving each other into other people fired pieces. Or the fact that Tommy and benry somehow created a living golem that flew to the sun never to be seen again.

"Yes dr Coomer I kno-"

"Hello Gordon"

" Hello dr Coomer I remember being banned from pottery barn"

"I remember you crying like a little bitch, Gordon! That's what got us banned from pottery barn you wouldn't pay their fees! So it's all your fault"

Bubby says this from the backseat with the confidence of man who wasn't also crying like a little bitch in front of the pottery barn. But the last thing Gordon was going to do was say that, so he just gave in.

"Yes Gordon for twenty playcoins I can totally bring the wrath of God on the pottery barn"

"Thank you dr Coomer but you don't need to do that, we are almost there. Benry please stop kicking my seat"

"No bro high score, gotta, gotta get the high score"

Ok whatever at least he had Tommy beside him, listening to tunes. He loved long car trips and Gordon loved the fact Tommy always rested his head on his shoulder.

It made it really easy just to lean over and kiss it, which always made Tommy giggle and squirm.

Benry was strapped in the middle seat with Sunkist who could sit nicely,But benry was in a safety harness.

This is because that dude would somehow squirm out of everything else and always start crawling around eating floor stuff, which is not what you want someone doing when you driving.  
He start kicking Gordons seat harder.

"Hey,Hey Tommmmmy give me smooch,hey hey"

"Benrrrrrry I caaant,that's not ok w-w-with M.A.D.D!!"

"I'm gonna,im gonna die! No kiss! Die!!

He starts pulling at his new enemy the safety harness and just making noises usually associated with rabid badgers.

"B-benrys going t-to die Mr Freeeeeman!"

"No he won't! Benry we are driving j-just wait ok! We are pulling in now"

"Aaarggghgttslthh" 

Replies benry.

"Just play your game clam yea ok good!"

"The game clam is like a 'twist it bop it! But styled like 'that' and some of the noises are just video games sounds such as 'the crashed bandicoot ' and 'foghorn leghorn back at it again'!"

"Dr Coomer who and what are you talking about"

"I don't know! I don't knooow" 

He says this happily and then very gravely, making that creepy face he makes. But it seems not to matter much because he goes back to watching whatever bubbys doing.

"Oooh oh G-Gordon! We're here! We're here"

Tommy decides this is the perfect time to indulge benry in a smooch but also get his hated safety harness off. He gets the safety harness on in no time flat but hes still back there for the seven minutes it takes him to pull into the driveway.

Clapping his hand to get everyone's attention only gets him interrupted petulant stares, but damn it he not going to let himself become distracted.

He getting these people to the barbaque.

"Ok everyone remember where we are? Kind of? Alright that works for me, it barbaque time!"

"Joshua?"

"Yea benry were at Joshua house! For a barbaque"

"Woooooooo Joshi's yea woooo!!!"

With that he tears ass out of the van and beelines it for Maria's house, somehow jumping though the open window.

"G-gordoooon are w-we all sopooosed to do that?"

"Nnnnno Tommy I think we can use the door"

"Door!"

"Bubby I like that door just fine! Good news Gordon I love that door"

"I hate that door ooh that door"

He doesn't know why they play this song and dance solely in regard to the second neighbor on the right purple door every single time. He just didn't know.

Thankfully Tommy and the rest have gotten out of the van and have gone inside, the.regular way.

Collecting the various bags and stuff hes only thankful how well that drive went. 

By now Gordons bar isn't low per say, in fact he would call it pretty high. It's just for the fact that due to circumstances it has been altered so much it might as well be a courtroom. 

He doesn't mind this at all actually he thinks, as he steps inside chuckling lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bar is what you must pass to become a lawyer, funny huh? Thank you for reading!!


	4. Steve; nice guy or hated enemy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This is super fun to write!   
> Also Joshua isnt mute I decided he has a electolarynx

When benry climbs through the window he had a epic plan, but know he's wondering where exactly he is. He looks around and decides he is definitely in a house and it seems very familiar.

He looks down at his hand and realizes theres writing on it! It says 'going to Joshua's house' ah! Joshua house? This must be it.. Benry was very excited he loved that scamp, that kid was the shit!

Oh now he just had to find him, maybe he was taking a nap yes that must be it, he pulled at the pom poms on his hat. He needed some epic gamer fuel, going to the kitchen he was able to find some epic apple juice to satisfy his gamer taste buds. 

Hipchucking the fridge closed is when benry notices a.. guy in the kitchen with him, and he seems to be saying stuff.

\-----------

Steve has been talking to benry for about ten minutes now about the weather hoping that casual conversation would get him used to him, he thought it seemed to be working.   
But when benry closed the fridge door, sucking on two children's juice boxes. One was orange and the other apple banana and he was drinking them both at the same time, he gave him a blank stare he did know who he was right?

Steve went to approach him so benry knew he was friendly, sure that this was just the way he usually looked.   
Benry backes up quickly ,Steve stops mid stops mid stride he's beginning to think this isn't going well.

\------  
He knows he is at gordos ex wife's house, benry knows this for sure because he has these weird apple juices that gordol doesn't buy and there is that stupid rug on the floor. 

Also another clue is that there are pictures of Joshua on the fridge, but. There is a guy in the kitchen, and this 'guy' is acting super weird.

"Who are you, tell name please"

"Buddy you know my name"

The stranger does that thing where they make a weird face and chuckle, like they trying to convince you of something.

"Name please"

"Is this one of those jokes you play benry, my name's Steve"

Benry does not know anyone named Steve , this man is also in Joshua's house, so that must mean... That this is definitely stranger danger. Benry was going to have to do something to save Joshua.

Benry starts screaming and crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want you can follow me on twitter tumblr or Instagram! It's easy their allll zowabob. Thank you for reading!!


	5. cowboys!! And firemen!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been busy, well writing more fics, long ones require lots of thinking!
> 
> What's funny is that you can see my progress in writing chapter by chapter

Gordon could here benry as soon as he opened the door, the sound the man was making would send a lesser man to his knees in fear.

But Gordon was not a lesser man.

It also helped that he was used to this response, like that time he threw ham on benrys feet and called him Mr.Hamfeet. 

benry was a very very sensitive person when he wasn't in a comatose state inside his own head, but even so Gordon wasn't going to let benry suffer or Steve for that matter.

He hurried over to Benry, swating the sweet voice balls away, blue to plaid these ones where.

Tommy spoke up "b-bluue to plaiid means you startled me so bad! You s-startled him steeeeve!"

Benry was sniffling into Tommy's chest now, being rocked gently in his arms. Steve looked mortified which honestly was the best look Gordon was hoping for, at least it wasn't like he was on fire or anything.

He rubs benrys back and points at Steve who has a knuckle white grip on the counter.

"that's Steve, Mariah's fience do you um need his passport?"

Immediately benry stopped crying, his face going flat ,Gordon knew this wasn't a bad thing or anything just his regular thousand yard stare. In fact it just meant yes, especially when he starts making his grabby hands.

Steve pulls out his id that honestly, he thought the dude was joking when he emphasized that his credentials where going to be checked. 

He hands it over to Benry to check and he really does check,   
crossreferenceing each id with each other at lightning fast speed Steve wasn't expecting. 

Than watching as the Id was wrestled away by Gordon when he tries to pocket them as if there his.  
Handing them back to him, Gordon goes to find his son.

"Ok, checks out"

"Oh ah thank you"

The sound of the world's loudest child came from upstairs as he scampered down, he let out a high pitched scream the whole way down. 

"Daaaaaddy!!!"

Joshua screached from his voice box as he hurled himself into Gordons arms from quite high up the stairs.

He was dressed as a fire cowman, who he explained was someone who put 'cow fires' out with their 'cow tools". Giving his son a big kiss he put him down so he could say hello to everyone else.

Dr Coomer roundhouse kicked bubby across the open concept space right into Steve, who know wondering if he should take those files deadly serious. He decided he would when a old man was thrown into him.

"Gaaaak! Aaaah gah!"

Bubby screamed as he rolled around on the counter while being virtually unharmed.

"Dr Coomer please don't roundhouse kick bubby in Mariah's house we have been over this,like, ten times now"

He turns to Steven with Tommy cuddles against him, wispering something in his ear.

"Ooh mmhm yea yep ok I'll ask, uh hey, Steve is the BBQ set up?"

" Yea it should be good to go."

"Tommy was wondering if he and benry could get cooking?"

"Uuuh sure, yea everything should be the cooler, Mariah's setting it up now"

Benry was already running top speeds towards the yard, not caring that he's haphazardly nocking into everything in he way and stuff that is barely in his way. He trips on a fire engine and rolls around like a turtle but eventually makes it back up. 

Tommy already outside with the door open to make sure he doesn't slam into and pass out, breaking the frame too. That would kinda suck if that happened for the fourth time.

Gordon laughs as he gets a drink from out of the fridge when he hears how excited they are to talk to Maria.

"Hello Tommy and benry how are you?"

He can hear benrys loud monotone voice from across the house

"Hello Maria hello! Hello! It's a BBQ today did you know that? Hello!"

"Hello! Yes I did hear about that, I'm excited I like BBQs"

"Yes! BBQs woohoo yea!!"

"Yes! Woop woop hurrah!"

Gordon looked past Steve and grimaced at whatever he saw, he decided that following the woops and hurrahs coming from the yard was a much better idea than bothering to deal with that.

Steve could handle it, Gordons sure he's read the files thoroughly, hes Sure of of it.

When Gordon leaves to the backyard, Steve wants to make sure there's no hard feelings between him and bubby.  
Even in a regular man's head sometimes basic front page red note warnings from a psych file slip their minds.

He grabs bubbys hand and gives it a good shake. It's as if between the three of them time freezes, all three staring down at the connected hands.

Steve let's go and walks his jpeg looking white man ass outside to go stand at his post (standing beside Gordon and talking about grilling hamboigers)

He sure this isn't going to, like, be that bad, sweat drips down his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm so Steve will be fine....unless😏

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
